Clinical
Corner Š Talking to Your Child About Drugs
The
best thing about this subject is that you don't have to do it well. You simply
have to try. If you try, your kids will get the message. That you care about
them. That you understand something about the conflicts they face. That you're
there when they need you.
The
alternative is to ignore the subject. Which means your kids are going to be
listening to others who have strong opinions about the subject. Including those
who use drugs. And those who sell them.
Accept
Rebellion
At
the heart of it, drugs, alcohol, wild hairstyles, trendy clothes, ear-splitting
music, outrageous language are different ways of expressing teenage rebellion.
That's
not all bad. Part of growing up is to create a separate identity, apart from
parents, a process which ultimately leads to feelings of self worth. A step
along that path is rebellion of one kind or another which is to say rejecting
parental values, and staking out new ones.
You
did it. They're doing it. And that's the way it is.
The
problem comes when kids choose a path of rebellion that hurts them, destroys
their self worth and can ultimately kill them.
That's
the reality of drugs.
Don't
Get Discouraged
When
you talk to your kids about drugs, it may seem as though nothing is getting
through.
Don't
you believe it.
The
very fact you say it gives special weight to whatever you say.
But
whether or not your kids let on theyÕve heard you, whether or not they play
back your words weeks or months later, keep trying.
Start
Anywhere
"Have
you heard about any kids using drugs?"
"What
kind of drugs?"
"How
do you feel about that?"
"Why
do you think kids get involved with drugs?"
"How
do other kids deal with peer pressure to use drugs? Which approaches make sense
to you?"
"Have
you talked about any of this in school?"
However you get into the subject
it's important to state exactly how strongly you feel about it. Not in
threatening tones but in matter-of-fact, unmistakably clear language:
"Drugs
are a way of hurting yourself."
"Drugs
take all the promise of being young and destroy it."
"I
love you too much to see you throw your life down the drain."
Some
Do's And Don'ts.
The do's are as simple as speaking from the heart.
The
biggest don't is don't do all the talking. If you listen to your kids - really
listen and read between the lines - you'll learn a lot about what they think.
About drugs. About themselves. About the world. And about you. They'll also
feel heard and that, too, is a step along the path towards self esteem.
There
are other do's and donÕts: Don't threaten. DonÕt badger them. DonÕt put your
kid on the spot by asking directly if he or she has ever tried drugs. They'll
probably lie, which undermines your whole conversation.
If
you suspect your child is on drugs - there are all sorts of symptoms - that's a
different matter. Then youÕve got to confront the subject directly.
In
the meantime, just talk to them.
It's
okay if you don't know much about drugs.
Your
kids do.
But
they need to know how you feel about the subject.
And
whether you care.
For
more information on how to talk with your kids about drugs, ask for a free copy
of "Keeping Youth Drug-Free." Call 1-800-788-2800.