Clinical
Corner Ð Anger Management
Anger is a natural emotion. When we deny that we are angry, we are
denying something fundamentally human.
Some of us deny anger because of messages we received as children,
telling us about how we should and should not behave. Acknowledging to
ourselves that we are, indeed, angry is a positive step. Here's how to release
it and maintain the respect of others.
The first step in dealing constructively with anger is to admit when you
are angry. Trying to cover it up or pretend it isnÕt there will only make it
come out some other way and distance us from other people. You may have been
denying anger for such a long time that it will take some practice to recognize
when it's there. But if you start looking for it, you'll begin to see that many
things stir up angry feelings.
STOP - Try
to identify what you are angry about. The cause of anger isnÕt always obvious.
WeÕre so accustomed to shutting off our feelings that we might have to think
seriously about the cause of our anger before we can identify it. What made us
angry might not be the last thing that happened today, but the first. Or it
might have happened yesterday or last week.
LOOK - If you've identified the cause, think about it before you
act. Could it have been avoided? Were you partly responsible for it by not
giving clear instructions?
LISTEN - Anger
is like an old friend reminding us what we like, what we want and what we need.
It tells us when something has gone wrong. By being aware of what makes you
angry, you can learn to shrug off the less important things.
By taking the time to survey the anger-making situation, you have the
opportunity to cool off, and you can make expressions of anger a choice rather
than a reaction. This gives you more control, and you'll be able to monitor
what you say and how you say it. Be honest, but be loving and respectful.
Others will respect your honestyÑand you will feel more satisfied in
anger-making situations.
Imagine a really angry person. Do you picture someone who is aggressive
and hostile, quick to blow up or out of control? Many people do. So, you may be
surprised to learn that most angry people hold in their anger. In fact, a study
by the University of Massachusetts found as few as 10 percent of angry people
"act out" in a clearly aggressive manner.
People who hold in angry feelings show it in other ways, such as being
overly critical and cynical or feeling depressed and victimized. Being angry
uses a lot of emotional and physical energy. Consequently, internalizing anger
can have harmful effects, debilitating both physical and mental health and
compromising personal and professional relationships.
PHYSICAL EFFECTS - Anger
is one of many ways the body responds to stress. Stress can be caused by most
anything, such as job pressure, a fear of failing, chronic pain, memories of a
traumatic event or relationship problems. Even minor irritants, such as traffic
or waiting in line, can cause stress. When a person gets angry, the body reacts
by increasing heart rate and blood pressure and releasing elevated amounts of
certain hormones. Although the body is able to adjust to "normal"
levels of stress, significant and accumulated stress can contribute to disease
and eventual death.
In fact, medical researchers have linked the stress response of anger
to:
Psychological Effects
UnexpressedÑand expressedÑanger impacts a personÕs mental health as
well. Studies have linked anger to loneliness, chronic anxiety, depression,
eating disorders, sleep disorders, obsessive-compulsive behavior and phobias.
AngerÕs harmful effects spill over into a personÕs personal and professional
lives, undermining a personÕs capacity for emotional fulfillment and personal
and professional achievement. In other words, anger can hold you back and keep
you down.
Anger inhibits the development and maintenance of intimate
relationships, often resulting in marital and occupational instability. Angry
people frequently blow misunderstandings and minor grievances out of proportion
and are more inclined to end relationships with people, even close friends,
than work to resolve problems. Other people find their demeanor and mood
unpleasant to be around. Consequently, angry people often alienate themselves
from othersÑeven their own families. Angry people have trouble being effective
parents and spouses.
Yes and no. Physical expression of anger
is appropriate sometimes. But angry outbursts typically offer only temporary
relief, and can sometimes escalate the anger and aggression. If your anger is
eating you up inside, there are books and courses that teach anger management
strategies.